|wow there is almost nothing i despise more than questions left unanswered.|
c'est la vie. il y a toujours beaucoup de choses que nous ne saurons jamais. mais pour quoi..
|it's not any easier. before, it was pain.|
now, i just feel hella awkward.
i'm not who i was 3 months ago.
so, i think this might get a little weird, dramatic, uncomfortable.
|all i feel is pain.|
|when i think about it, i can't even breathe anymore. everything inside of my tightens up and my brain goes numb.|
what's the right thing to do, and is that the same as what i want to do? and even if it's what i want to do how long will it last for me and how long will it last for him?
i don't want to think about it. i don't want to think about us parting ways, separating, even finding someone new.
if it were only as simple as solving a math problem - i'd brush up on my notes, flip through the book, attempt to work at it, and even if i was totally lost someone could guide me through it. in the end, there would only be one correct answer.
i don't even have an answer of my own anymore. i don't know what i want, i don't know how to get to where i want. i just want him. i want him, committed and ready to love me and only me.
i wish i could fast forward to 6 years from today so i don't have to deal with the pain now.
i love you, miss you, want you, need you.
|and i'm in my bed wondering what you're doing right now.|
you just being at orientation makes me realize i need to start letting you go. i can't be that girlfriend who always thinks about you anymore. i can't be attached, the way you were once with me. i don't even know if you'll still care about me a week after you move in, so i can't even feel the same way i do now.
is this what it'll be like? the last thing you'll do is think of me and want to talk to me.
i feel so small and insignificant, like when a child outgrows a doll.
don't worry, i won't be the same me anymore.